MARRIAGE IS NOT A 50/50 PROPOSITION

There is fallacy that has lead to many marriages ending up in divorce!  Lets get something straight - marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. Each partner must fulfil his/her responsibilities 100%, whether the other does or not!

Vows, if seriously taken, can keep a marriage together, but vows will not build a happy home. A home which is both secure and happy must be built on a real understanding of what makes a marriage successful.

The slogan "marriage is a 50-50 proposition" is heard frequently. It sounds logical. However, the logic behind it can destroy many marriages. The basis of a 50-50 marriage is. "If you will do your part, I will do mine." It leads to tragedy because there are times in every marriage when someone fails. In a 50-50 marriage, this causes the other partner to step back and refuse to do his 50%. Then the battle rages.

The 50-50 marriage is not God's way. The husband and wife who start marriage on a 50-50 basis will always be checking to see if the partner is fulfilling his or her 50%. When one partner falls short, bitterness results in the other. The partner who feels cheated will withhold some of his 50% in an attempt to even the score. Things get worse. Even 90%-10% marriages will not work. The partner who is willing to give 90% will have a tendency to check to see if the partner is really fulfilling his or her 10%.

God's way in marriage is 100%-100%. Each partner is expected to give his or her 100% even if the other partner fails completely. If only one partner in the marriage faithfully gives his 100%, the home cannot be destroyed. God uses right actions and attitudes of the faithful one to straighten out and restore the failing partner.

God's instructions for the 100%-100% marriage are found in Ephesians 5:18-33. Both husband and wife have different instructions and responsibilities assigned to them.

Wife:
a) Submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Note that it does not add "if he does right and fulfils his responsibilities".)
1. A wife should not nag, complain, lecture or teach her husband. She will win him to Christ by her behavior. 1 Peter 3:1. When a man fails to be what he should be in marriage, God deals with him. Too often, the man does not hear the Lord or feel the Lord's pressure because he hears his wife too much and feels her pressure too much.

Husband:
a) Head of the home. This does not mean that the wife is inferior, as seen from 1 Corinthians 11:3, "The head of Christ is God". Being under authority is not a position of inferiority. Jesus is God and is equal with the Father in all ways, yet in coming to earth as a man and dying for us, He submitted Himself to His father in all things.
(Note: in submitting to His Father, He did not become inferior. He did all things because His Father wanted it, and He loved His father. Submission is not a mark of inferiority.)
b) Love your wife enough to die for her. God, after telling wives to submit, severely limits the man's right to do anything that he pleases. God takes away man's right to use his authority irresponsible by telling him, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." Christ loves us as in Romans 5:8: "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Seeing Christ's love transform our hearts and brings us to love Him, so too a husband's patient, long-suffering love will finally win the wife's heart and change her behavior. Christ does not cleanse and perfect us by beating on us. He uses His Word. God has no 50/50 marriage arrangements. Each partner is called upon to fulfill his/her own 100%, even if the other does nothing. God is not calling us to a life-long martyrdom, but will use these qualities to change the partner.

1. Be filled with the Spirit and not be drunk with wine (Eph. 5:18). As we are constantly filled with God's power and love, we can be the husband and wife He calls us to be.
What if we have not been giving 100%?
1. Confess failings to the Lord in detail.
2. Ask your spouse for forgiveness for failing to be the kind of mate that God wants.
3. Start submitting sweetly and lovingly.